Story

In his early years as a marriage counselor, Dr. Gary Chapman noticed over and over that couples would voice similar complaints regarding their marriage. One spouse would say something like, ?I feel like he doesn?t love me. The other would protest, ?I don?t know what else to do! I?m doing everything I should be doing.? Recognizing a pattern, Dr. Chapman pored through years of session notes. He asked himself, ?When someone said, ?I feel like my spouse doesn?t love me,? what do they actually want?? Surprisingly, their answers fell into five categories, revealing a unique approach in how to effectively love another person.

More than 25 years later, this revolutionary concept has improved millions of relationships across the globe. The premise is simple: different people with different personalities express love in different ways. Gary called these ways of expressing and receiving love the ?5 Love Languages.? They are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Each individual has at least one language that they prefer above the other? and this is where it gets interesting.

The 5 Love Languages

• Words of Affirmation
  Actions don?t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, ?I love you,? are important ? hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.

• Acts of Service
  Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an ?Acts of Service? person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: ?Let me do that for you.? Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don?t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.

• Recieving Gifts
  Don?t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous ? so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.

• Quality Time
  In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, ?I love you,? like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there ? with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby ? makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.

• Physical Touch
  This language isn?t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face ? they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.